i don't have the slightest faith
in anything at all.
i mean, ive always known myself to be
a cynic, but i think it was never clear
to me that i didn't have faith.
it was illustrated to me only very recently
when i started driving and
i'd always be overly concerned about
knocking birds over because they always
seem to let the car go so close
before they'd fly away.
but of course
that really is very silly;
Mynas are after all a product of
centuries of Evolution
and i should
know better than to doubt their
natural instinct to dodge oncoming vehicles.
but i do.
i doubt most things;
i doubt religion, i doubt love,
i doubt friends, i doubt project mates,
i doubt CareerFit, i doubt life,
i doubt the music i play, i doubt every
next person i'm subjected to a
conversational situation with,
i doubt wagg the dog (im always convinced
that he's dying soon, since he pukes
at a frightening frequency),
i doubt my laptop (ok this one is not without basis),
i doubt my career prospects,
and for fuck's sakes i even doubt
the bird on the street.
i think it just goes like that.
im just so consumed in my own
lack of faith that my relationships
with people always become somewhat
dysfunctional.
when i was younger, i just found People
so difficult that i became quite
bent on being a pianist or a farmer
or vet or anything thing with minimal
human interaction.
well of course i had no faith in all
these not-very-mainstream dreams as well
and i so i went on to study Business, THM-no less-
the one area with the highest degree of human interaction
you can possibly imagine.
i always say that im a cynic,
but i really kinda always personally
believed i was more of a realist and
that the society's benchmark for cynicism
is just too low,
but i now im not so sure.
4:28 PM